


Nana Episode 84 Continuation (Fanmade)

by viviennefaerie



Category: Nana (Anime & Manga)
Genre: AU! Nana off Hiatus, AU!: If Nana continued, Fanmade Nana Manga Continuation, Finish Nana Manga before reading, Multi, Nana Manga Spoilers ahead, Nana Manga continuation, Rest of Episode 84 AU!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:20:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28416753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viviennefaerie/pseuds/viviennefaerie
Summary: I decided to write this after finishing the Nana Manga’s 84th Chapter (the most current chapter to date) and finding out it had been on hiatus since 2009. It is not likely Ai Yazawa will continue Nana any time soon but I hope this is an okay continuation if the 84th chapter is where she leaves it. Please read the Nana Manga first before this as it has multiple spoilers. This is my first time writing like this and I hope some people like my version of what I think happened after Chapter 84<3
Relationships: Asami Matsumoto/Terashima Nobuo, Honjou Ren/Oosaki Nana, Ichinose Takumi/Komatsu Nana, Komatsu Nana/Oosaki Nana, Shinoda Miu/Takagi Yasushi, Takakura Kyosuke/Saotome Junko
Kudos: 12





	1. The Rest of Chapter 84

Nana Osaki was in a state nobody could fully understand but was glad to see that she was in spirits higher than that of her 21st birthday when time stood still for eternity. She was singing in her signature husky voice that left fans all over Japan either jumping out of their seats or forcing their eyes to cloud over and emit gentle tears that ran freely on their cheeks with a mixture of glee and the feeling you get when you have witnessed an angel; transcendence.

A bottle of sake was in her hands that she used as an imaginary mic as she sang to the artificial voice of the karaoke machine. When she was semi-aware of her surroundings, the door opened and Yuri Kosaka entered head first at the side of the door with a cheery voice edged with something more sinister.

“I’m home!” she exclaimed, as she gave a childlike grin.

She looked over to the puzzling scene of Nana’s foot on the table, a bottle of sake in her hand singing while Nobu, Yasu and Miu looked over to her.

“Welcome home, Yuri-chan. You must be tired.” Yasu greeted.

It didn’t seem as if Yuri had heard him, for she was extremely focused on Nana.

“I’m impressed, Nana-chan! You can sing even if you can’t speak!” Yuri remarked, with a mask of innocence.

This made all go quiet in the room and Nobu slightly annoyed.

“Then you better start working soon. Sugimura said he’s going to kick you all out if you don’t work.” Yuri continued.

“Oh, really?” Yasu replied.

“That jerk! There’s no way I’ll let him do that!” Nana exclaimed.

Everyone just looked at her for a moment.

“Oh, you’re all better. Then maybe you don’t need Takumi’s wife to be by your side anymore?” Yuri suggested, with a gleam in her eye.

“Asami!” Nobu cried out (Asami is Yuri’s real name)

“Where is she (Hachiko)? Did she finally leave?” 

“Let’s go. We need to talk.” 

With that, Nobu dragged Asami out of the room.

You don’t need her to be by your side anymore?

This statement echoed in Nana’s head so many times in a second that all the doubts she had had up to this moment seemed fake compared to the emotion she was feeling now.

“Nana...” Yasu reached out, about to rise from his seat.

“It’s fine, Yasu.” Nana replied, dropping her sake. The little amount of contents left poured onto the floor.

She went to turn off the karaoke machine and the room was left with an eerie silence.

“I’m not in the mood to sing right now, but I will in a few minutes. Give me time and I’ll make that jerk Sugimura so happy, the thought of kicking us out will never cross his mind again!” Nana cried out, feigning a confident smile.

Yasu gave her a concerned look but was ushered away by Miu, who simply slipped a folded brown paper bag out of her bag and onto the table subtly, in case anything were to happen. They left the room as quietly as they had arrived and began to walk back to their rooms.

“Do you think she’s okay?” Miu asked, genuinely concerned.

“No, but I can’t do much to help her right now.” Yasu replied, not once meeting Miu’s eyes. They simply walked back in silence.

Nana back in her room, however, was pacing about in a frantic mess.

I don’t need Hachi?

She asked herself, rummaging around for something that didn’t exist.

That’s not true; I need her just as much as she needs me!

She went through her wardrobe looking for anything...anything she could call her own and her own only, to no avail.

She needs me!

She thought, as she remembered when Hachi was silent on all matters Takumi.

She needs me!

She thought, as she remembered when Hachi gave her the kiss of life not long ago.

She needs me!

She thought, as she remembered sitting on the floor collecting dust in room 707 as Ren reassured her Hachi’s note was not a goodbye, but a heartfelt love letter.

Ren. That’s who can help!

Nana thought, rummaging further for her phone.

“Where is it?” Nana grunted aloud.

Hachiko and Shin had finally come back with the hot sake in hand.

“Where’s Yassan?” Shin asked, quizzically.

“His room.” Nana replied quickly, still looking for her phone.

Shin went slowly, knowing that something was wrong with Nana but knew Hachiko was probably the only person who can truly help.

“Nana? What are you looking for?” Hachi asked, worriedly.

“My phone.” Nana replied, still looking all over.

“Nana, your phone isn’t here, remember?” Hachi replied, trying to keep a normal face but her eyes deceiving her.

“You can have mine!” Hachi offered, pulling it out smiling.

Nana grabbed it like it was money and began dialling a number as quickly as Hachi did on the day on the 5 hour train ride.

“Who do you need to call?” Hachi asked, peering from the side.

When Hachi saw the phone number, her heart stopped and tears began to prick her eyes.

“Ren.” Nana replied, pressing the call button.

“Ugh, he’s taking forever today. Doesn’t he answer calls way quicker usually?” Nana asked, playing with her hair to the point it seemed she was harassing it.

A single tear rolled down Hachi’s cheek.

“Oh, Nana.” Hachi replied, voice starting to waver.

“Why are you crying, Hachi? Has Ren done something? He better answer now!”

The phone finally stopped ringing and went to this voicemail;

“The number you have dialled is unavailable or no longer exists.”

Nana’s eyes widened once she heard this.

“Hachi...why is Ren’s number like that now?” 

“Nana, please...”

“What’s happened to Ren?”

“Nana, please stop this.” Hachi replied in between tears, knocking the phone out of her hand.

“What’s wrong with Ren?”

Hachi pulled Nana into a hug that squished her stomach slightly but she did not mind.

Like when fog is replaced by clear skies, the memories all came back to Nana.

“...oh.” Nana replied, finally allowing herself to cry.

Once Hachi heard her sniffles, she stopped crying to try and be the motherly figure Nana needed at the time.

“I need you.” Nana stated, gripping Hachi’s back tightly.

“I know.” Hachi replied, hugging her just as tight.

“Please don’t leave me.”

“Nana, you know that it isn’t as easy as that.”

“Is it Takumi?”

“Nana, please...”

“I promise I can raise the child, please, just don’t leave me.”

“...I’ll try.”

“Are you lying to me?”

“Would never dream of it.”

Nobu came back with a pouty Asami and Shin with a curious look.

“GET OUT!” Hachi screamed, uncharacteristically.

Everyone quickly made haste.

“Do you need me?” Nana asked.

“Of course I do.” Hachi replied.

“Then...can you please stay and give birth here...so I can finally help you?”

The room was silent for a good few seconds.

“Yes.” Hachi replied.


	2. Chapter 85 (Fanmade)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nana is finally coming back to the studio after Ren Honjo’s death. Hachi’s baby is near it’s due date. Trapnest is still in a grey area of how to move on.

“We can’t keep allowing her to just lay about all day” the Gaia director croaked.

“Please...just give her a while to jump back.” Yasu protested.

“We can’t AFFORD to.”

“Her boyfriend just DIED! Does that account for NOTHING here?”

“You worked in law; surely you can understand the legal side of Nana’s line of work means that she can’t just relax so easily. She still hasn’t even said anything about Ren. Makes people question whether she actually loved him.” 

Yasu lunged at the Gaia director and gave him a punch that left him speechless and slightly bloody from both the impact of Yasu’s punch and the sharp feel of his silver rings. Yasu shook his hand slightly and rose from his seat.

“Don’t you fucking DARE speak about Nana OR Ren like that, or I swear, I’ll kill you.” Yasu stated.

“You know I could charge you with assault.” the Gaia director called out, as Yasu began to leave.

“You could try. Either way, I couldn’t give a shit. But if Nana heard you, you could quickly lose a very successful asset.” Yasu replied, closing the door gingerly.

“What happened, Yassan?” Ginpei asked, alarmed.

“Nothing to be alarmed about, Ginpei.” Yasu reassured.

“Should I call for Nana or Myu?” Ginpei asked, still concerned.

“No, it’s fine. Nana will come here herself and Miu just isn’t a morning person.” Yasu replied.

At the other side of the hallway, Shin groaned.

“Shin, what’s wrong?” Ginpei and Yasu asked, in unison.

“I’m hungryyyyyy.” Shin groaned, clutching the little stomach he had.

“...just buy some food.” Yasu replied.

This only made Shin groan even more.

“Awww, poor Shin.” Ginpei said, coddling the 16 year old.

“I’ll only eat Hachiko’s food.” Shin pouted.

They just looked at the boy.

“I’ll go wake her up.” Ginpei stated, beginning to make a small strut to Nana’s room, where Hachi, too, was sleeping at.

“No!” Shin shouted, gripping Ginpei’s arm.  
“Hachi is pregnant, near her due date and needs all the sleep she can get.” Shin continued, going to sit on a chair.  
“I’ll just wait for her to wake up.”

“You really do love Hachi, huh?” Yasu asked, smiling.

“She’s all I’ve ever wanted and dreamed a mother could be. I should at least look after her while she’s giving birth to that lucky child.” Shin smiled.

The room didn’t feel as cheery as it did in that moment. Shin was a lot to handle; he would get in trouble with the police, he drank and smoke, slept with multiple women but he was still just a child. But there wasn’t really much they could do to help him, they thought. So, they decided to sit down and wait for Hachi with him.

In Nana and Hachi’s room, Nana had finally woken up to the slight silver lining of a cloud that faintly went through the cloudy day and into the bedroom. She smiled when she saw Hachi’s peaceful sleeping position, still pregnant.

“Shit; she’s still pregnant.” Nana thought.  
“She couldn’t have broken her water or anything in her sleep, right???” Nana thought to herself, remembering her grotesque dream beforehand that included Hachi and an extremely bloody labour.

Even though she knew the idea was stupid, Nana peered under the covers to see that nothing bloody nor worrying had happened while she was asleep. In the middle of opening up the covers, she heard;

“Nana, are you trying to seduce me?”

This made Nana jump up from the bed and Hachi giggle.

“Baka, you scared me!” Nana shouted, almost slipping onto the floor from shock.

This only made Hachi laugh more, Nana notice and laugh with her.

“Let’s go down to the lounge; Shin might be awake and starving himself without me.” Hachi concluded, getting her suitcase open and getting better clothes.

‘Huh, I guess the place is still a mess from yesterday’ Hachi thought to herself.  
‘I wonder if she’s feeling better now. I hope Nana tells me if she’s feeling better now.’ Hachi thought, once again.

“Okay. I’ll be ready in a few seconds. Need help dressing?” Nana offered.

This made Hachi blush.

“Nana, are you THAT attracted to me?” Hachi teased, laughing after.

Nana threw a pillow at her.

“Bad dog.” muttered Nana, making Hachi pout.

Nonetheless, they got ready together quickly and came to the lounging area.

“Mamaaaaa!” Shin greeted, running to Hachi’s arms.

“Shin channnnn!” Hachi greeted back, running to Shin’s arms in unison.

They gave each other a warm embrace and then Shin pulled Hachi’s hand gently to the direction his room’s kitchen was.

“Mama, I’m sorry to bother you but I’m hungryyyyy.” Shin whined.

This made Hachi laugh.

“What do you want me to make?” she asked, whilst waving at Ginpei and Yasu.

“CAKE!” Shin cried out with glee, to the amusement of Yasu and annoyance of Nana.

“You can’t just have her make CAKE this early!” Nana protested.

“Fine; PANCAKES!” Shin suggested gleefully.

“But you have cereal in your-“ 

“I’ll make it for you, Shin chan! Pancakes for breakfast and cake a bit later on, okay?” Hachi compromised, putting her pinky out for Shin to pinky promise with.

“Okay!” Shin agreed, linking pinkies with her.

They all went to Shin’s room and Yasu sent a message to Miu, Asami and Nobu to tell them that’s where they were, in case they wanted them.

“Is it only Shin that wants pancakes? Put your hand up if you do!” Hachi called out from the kitchen, as she cracked eggs into the large bowl of dry ingredients.

Everyone quickly rose their hand up. Hachi smiled.

“Brilliant! Cause I already made too much batter to begin with!” Hachi grinned, carrying on with the making of her food.

“Wait...how come nobody wanted my food like this?” Nana asked, pouting.

“Your cooking is always too salty, Nana. Especially that miso soup you make.” Shin retorted, shivering when he remembered tasting it at the training camp.

This created a collective shiver between them.

“My soup was AMAZING!” Nana cried out, folding her arms.

“Grumpy ass cat.” Ginpei muttered, whilst looking eagerly at the batter Hachi was pouring into a pan.

This made Nana pull a face and Yasu chuckle.

Once everyone had their pancakes on their plate and given the go ahead to dig in, Nana was hulking down her food as if it was her last meal.

“Nana, careful! You could get indigestion!” Hachi cooed, almost dropping her forkful of pancakes.

“I need to eat quickly so I can catch up with the Gaia directors and sing again!” Nana said, in between forkfuls.

This made everyone look at her, in shock.

“Isn’t it a bit early to be-“ Ginpei started, only to be interrupted by Nana.

“The directors said they’d kick everyone out if we didn’t start singing. The only reason you’re getting held back is because of me. I WILL be singing today.” Nana replied, as she licked her plate with golden syrup.  
“Thank you for the food, Hachi.” Nana grinned, to Hachi’s delight.

Miu came in at that moment with a cowlick upon her head and multiple long strands of hair on her face.

“MYUUUUUU!” Hachi cried out, running to hug her.

“Morning,Hachiko.” Miu said sleepily, as she smiled and patted Hachi’s head.  
“Are you eating pancakes?” Miu asked, eyes starting to beckon wide awake.

“Yes, we are! I still have some for you, if you’d like!” Hachi offered, making haste to get the plate of leftover untouched pancakes.

Miu nodded happily and Nana poured golden syrup and gave it to her, which Miu ate with a speed that rivalled Nana.

“Wow, I didn’t think you were a sweet tooth, Myu!” Shin replied, laughing.

“I’ve lived off of coffee for around 10 years now; anything sweet I will eat happily.” Miu explained.

As Miu finished her pancakes, Nobu and Asami had rolled from either side of the bed silently and had come into Shin’s room messily with noise that interrupted the cheery atmosphere.

“You guys ate PANCAKES?” Nobu cried out, annoyed.

“Yes. Mama makes the best pancakes.” Shin replied, licking his lips childishly.

“Is there any LEFT?” Nobu asked, looking at everyone’s bowls.

“No.” They all said, in unison.

“Hachiiiiii make me someeee!” Nobu whined.

“But we’re about to go to hear Nana sing.” Hachi protested.

Nobu looked at Nana briefly and gave a thumbs up and a smile, which she returned with a childish tongue out.

“Pleaseeeeeee?” Nobu asked.

“Nobu...” Asami started, putting her hand on his shoulder.  
“I think it’s best you just get some from a store. Hachi is tired.” Asami finished, with a smile that Hachi could tell was slightly icy.

Hachi ignored it.

“Well, I’ll quickly get my guitar! See you guys!” Nobu called out, then slipped.

Everyone laughed at the idiot’s sudden fall.

That was one of the last few happy moments they spent together...of course, they didn’t know it at the time. But when Nana finished her food and everyone ventured to the studio for her to sing once again, nobody expected any more sadness henceforth.

“Hello; We are Blast.” Nana called out, for all to hear behind the studio glass (her voice was so loud, everyone could make out what she was saying).

Nana began to do what she had done in Room 707 that lovely day Hachi’s ears was blessed with a melody that would haunt her to this day at her best and worst moments; create a melody with no words that always made her heart ache in the best way.

‘Nana’ Hachi thought.  
‘I think Satsuki can finally hear properly now. She can hear you, Nana, I can feel her inside trying to get out to hear you clearer in the outside world. If only you were a man, we could have had her together. I know you have lost your man and may never recover...but I will stay even just to hear your voice for as long as I live...always.’ Hachi thought, as tears rolled down her cheeks.

Nana left the studio glass room smiling and proud of what she had achieved.

“Wow, Hachi, you can be such a crybaby sometimes.” Nana laughed

“I know.” Hachi replied, smiling.

For a split second, Nana could not feel Yasu, Shin and Nobu hugging her. All she could do was see Hachi.

“Let’s take a picture!” Hachi cried, quickly taking her phone out.

They all smiled for the picture but then reminded themselves of their height compared to Hachi.

“Hachi...give me the phone, please.” Yasu said, as Hachi struggled to go on her tip toes.

“Don’t worry, I can...do the...picture!” Hachi struggled.

Shin then pulled her phone from her like it was nothing and said;

“Smile, mama!”

By impulse, Hachi smiled and so did every one else. It made quite a good picture.

“I shall have it printed! Well done, Shinichi!” Hachi cried, hugging him and kissing him on the cheek.

Everyone smiled at the ordeal. Whilst everyone was in high spirits, Hachi checked her phone messages and call log.

‘3 missed calls from Junko. I’ll call her later.’ she thought.  
‘A message from Takumi! He’s probably just talking about the dumb subscription to the magazine.’  
“A missed call from KYOSUKE?” Hachi called out.

“PAPA KYOSUKEEEEEE!” Hachi cried out, almost crying tears of joy.

“My darling Hachi! (Junko’s voice in the background=“STOP SPOILING HER! AND WHY IS SHE ONLY CALLING YOU BACK?”) How are you?” Kyosuke greeted.

“I’m good!”

“How’s little Satsuki?” 

“She’s kicking! She heard Nana’s song and loved it just as much as I did!” 

“Nana’s singing again?” Kyosuke asked.  
“That’s good.”

“I know! How’s you and Junko-chan?” 

“We’re getting a big break in exhibitions soon, hopefully.”

“That’s great! When can I come see it?”

“Once you’ve had Satsuki and are healthy to come to Paris.”

Hachi was silent for a moment.

“PARIS???”

“Gotta go, Hachiko. Need to help my Junko. Please come and visit anytime. I miss you.” Kyosuke said affectionately, as Junko signalled for him NOT to say those exact words.

Then, the call ended.

Whilst Hachi was pouting over Junko and Kyosuke’s new progression in life she had failed to see due to her own hectic new life, Takumi was sitting by Reira’s bedside with sore fingers.

“You really won’t sing for ME, Layla?” Takumi asked.

“I only want Ren, Takumi.” Reira replied.

“Reira, do you really not remember?” Takumi asked, putting down his guitar.

“Remember what?”

“That Ren is...”

“Don’t finish that sentence. Whenever you do, you always find a way to hurt me.”

Takumi slumped down.

“I told you; it was never my intention to ever hurt you, Reira.”

“Then please...let me have this one thing.”

“What do you want?”

“I want Ren...to play for me. Once Ren plays the guitar for me, I will sing. Without him, Reira of Trapnest is nothing. I will be nothing.”

Takumi simply looked at her.

“What a sad fate I’ve given you...Dearest Layla.”


	3. Chapter 86

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naoki’s perspective and Hachi’s perspective. For the bits Takumi is being offensive, I’m sorry. It fits his character too well.

NAOKI:

I can’t remember the first or last time I was the most important person in the room. I’ve always been a part of something so big but I was never big enough to be truly recognised by people that weren’t as close to Trapnest as I was. I liked this type of living for a while; being the most important character in my own story. I liked making a statement that nobody could talk me out of and being parts of things that nobody could see coming. And most of all, I loved how all the memories I made up in my head are now real. Until Ren Honjo.

Ren was a fun guy. I could never be as close to him as Takumi or maybe Reira but I always got to see a fun loving side of him. He stayed stuck to the band, unlike the multiple guitarists before him and was dedicated even to the end. But now that he is gone, the fans are all asking something; what now? I’m not really good at reading things; for a good time, I thought the lovely Mrs Nana Ichinose was evil but now I can’t think of anyone sweeter than her. I’m not really good at giving advice...but I am good at comforting people. Truthfully, I don’t know how to assess a situation the way Takumi can or Ren could but I don’t think that matters anymore. Now, the world needs Naoki. Naoki Fujieda.

“Naoki, you okay? You haven’t put down your cards.” Reira asked, fiddling with an ace of spades.

“Yeah. I’m fine.” I smiled, as I looked at the limp and pale wrist of Reira.

We were playing a game of cards that we got from a weird English shop in London that we didn’t really get the rules of but were making up as we go. Reira was just taking out any card that looked pretty to her, Takumi was looking at the box and using cards like “Queen of Hearts” to say he had won and I was just putting down any card he could think of.

“Why are we doing all this? We don’t even know how to play.” Takumi grumbled, putting down a Nine of Diamonds.

“I think it’s quite fun.”I replied, trying to put things in a positive light.

“Ren would love to play this kind of game.” Reira stated, smiling as she looked at her card.

“Yes...he would.” Takumi replied, smiling.

Her and Takumi shared a look with each other. It made me suspicious straight away.

“Are you two doing something with each other?” I asked, ready to defend Mrs Ichinose.

“No.” Takumi replied, putting down his cards.

“...of course not. Takumi can have everyone...just not me.”

What Reira said seemed to strike a nerve.

“I have a wife; even if I wanted, I’m not really allowed to have everyone.” Takumi replied, a little annoyed.

“But that still doesn’t stop you! You can never keep any kind of loyalty!” Reira shouted.

“And you can’t keep people your age.” Takumi silenced her.

“...what?” I asked, not understanding what they were talking about now. What the hell did he mean by that?

“Give it up. Mosquitoes (paparazzi) could be anywhere. I already solved the situation and I’m not having it brought up again.”

“Reira, what is Takumi talking about?” I asked.

“Nothing.” She replied, beginning to cry.

“Reira what’s wrong? You can tell me it’s fine-“ I began, ready to comfort her properly.

“Shin.” she whispered.

At first, it didn’t register in my mind and I laughed for a few seconds. I just kept holding her and telling her it was fine.

“Me and Shin...” she whispered a little louder this time, now sobbing uncontrollably.

That was when it clicked. I was hugging her frail body and before I heard the news, her body felt somewhat warm and had a calming feel. It just needed a bit more of a warm touch. After, I realised just how bony it felt. The cloth of the hospital dress began getting stuck in my fingers and when I tried to release myself, her fingernails were becoming glued to my sweater and I felt all the hairs on my body go up. I wanted to get away from her. I didn’t like it. I was hugging something ugly. Before I could realise what I was doing, I whispered;

“Let go of me.”

“Naoki...” Reira started, pulling me more.

“Don’t touch me, filthy witch.” I said, making the room go quiet.

Once I said it, as if time went at a snails pace for that small moment, every move that Takumi made was defined. I saw him scrunch his fist, roll up his sleeve slightly and go in for the punch. Anyone would accept their fate and be ready for it. But today, I wasn’t anyone.

To my own surprise, I pushed his hand out of the way and punched him myself. It kinda hurt my hand a bit and had my fingers struggling to move for a good few seconds, but when I looked down and saw the famous Takumi down, something awakened in me.

“Get up and punch me all you want after I’ve finished speaking.” I told Takumi, while reaching in his pocket for his car keys and taking them from him.

“You are all fucking SICK. You KNEW how young he was and you did all that! You KNEW she was doing this and just covered it up!” I began, while Reira sobbed and Takumi tried to shush me.

“I looked up to you...I thought you were better than just a dumb fucking idiot that would just break windows. I thought I could look up to you and work with you happily for a long time and now you do this? And Reira; you have the voice of an Angel but may nobody know where that tongue has been! Ren was so lucky...he got to die and leave scum like you behind but I have to live knowing I WAS HAVING FUN WITH THE SCUM OF THE EARTH!”

“NONE OF YOU DESERVE TO HAVE YOUR PRIVACY KEPT! NONE OF YOU! AND REIRA, KEEP FUCKING CRYING, I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR ‘DEMENTIA’. AND THE WORST PART IS...I liked you guys. I thought you were good FUCKING FRIENDS. You guys are disgusting to look at...” I began to rub my head in frustration.

“I can’t cover up my involvement with you, but I can set things right now. Takumi; you’re gonna drive me and you to Nana Osaki’s and you’re gonna get your wife ready for childbirth! Reira; if you don’t confess about how sick of a bitch you are, I will. Now Takumi, get up and let’s go!” I said, pulling him up and running.

When we got into the car, to my surprise, my first big outburst had worked and we were driving the way to Nana Osaki’s.

“Where did all that come from?” Takumi chuckled, driving calmly.

I stayed silent.

“I know I’m a piece of shit; it runs in the family. I don’t think I can ever love Hachi the way a man should but I will love her in the best way I know how; money. I will be a great father to Satsuki and I will never leave my children to dry at least. But Trapnest... is my priority. If covering up pedophilia can keep it alive and more, I am prepared to die a worse fate than Ren. If you don’t agree with my methods, fine, but you have to give up your childish admiration of me and just respect me enough to know what I’m doing. If you don’t let this interfere with Trapnest, we can work together to make sure Trapnest will live a beautiful reign...just like Ren did.” Takumi offered, in a sincere voice.

I knew he was telling the truth. But I wanted to keep this angry moment for myself for a moment.

“Just be kind to Mrs Ichinose this once please. She’s a lovely lady.” I pleaded.

“I won’t let you have her, unfortunately. We have our child; I’m too selfish to give up the chance of giving my children a happy home.” 

“Fine. Just promise to be kind to her at least this once.”

“...I promise.”

HACHI:

My arms are hurting a bit. I’ve made pancakes for everyone and haven’t really had a chance to truly relax. At least Shin and Nana are happy, right, Satsuki? You also haven’t been bothering me too much even though you’re due in 2 weeks. You have the capability of being a bit bratty and coming out now, but you aren’t. Good baby.

As everyone was laughing in Nana’s room, Ginpei came in and said that someone was here to see me. Me and Shin went down and it was Naoki...and Takumi.

“Takumi?” I asked, frozen for a few seconds.

“Nana...” Takumi started, but before he could finish his sentence I was clinging onto him and crying like I always seem to do. I’m such a crybaby in his presence.

“Why didn’t you call or text me?” I asked, still sad about it.

“I could never find the right thing to say.” Takumi replied, as he inhaled the smell of my hair.

“You smell like pancakes.” Takumi stated, stroking my hair.

“I’ve been cooking.” I beamed, while Shin observed.

“I hope not too much; eat more than you cook and the baby won’t be the only fat you’ll be burning off.” Takumi sneered.

“That’s mean, Takumi!” I cried out, giving him light punches while he just laughed.

I looked back at Shin, who was pouting. I quickly went up to him.

“Is everything okay?”

“I don’t like him that much, mama.” Shin replied, sticking his tongue out at him.

“Come on; he doesn’t want to do anything bad!”

“He’ll take you away from me.”

I hugged Shin tightly.

“Never. Now quickly get the others, okay?” I asked Shin, going on my tip toes to kiss him on the forehead.

Shin nodded and ran up.

“You need to come with me, Nana. The baby is due soon.” Takumi stated, holding my hand.

“What about Nana?” 

“I’m sorry; unless she comes with us, I can’t have you risking a bad birth just because you want to stay near her. Forgive me.” 

He seemed so much kinder today. I looked behind him and Naoki was still at the car.

“Naokiii!” I cried out, going to hug him too.

“Mrs Ichinoseeeee!” He called out, making me cringe.

“Please call me Nana; I’m not old!” I pouted, making him laugh.

“Why is Takumi being so suspicious?” I asked, whilst Takumi was listening in.

“If he isn’t nice to you, I’ll take you away, Nana.” Naoki flirted, swaying his hair dramatically and making me blush.

It’s a shock he doesn’t have a girlfriend yet; he’s a very handsome man. 

“You can find someone better than me, Naoki.” I smiled.

Takumi then pulled me aside and whispered something in my ear that made me pause for a moment.

“I’m sorry.”


	4. Chapter 87

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hachi’s perspective (2002 and 2008)

I wake up to Satsuki playing around with her doll. She is smiling and telling me about a TV show that is meant to be on in a bit. I can’t really tell what she’s saying to me but she has such a glowing look on her face I smile and get up. My hands are tired from cleaning yesterday but I am lucky enough to get a full nights sleep. I can’t remember the last time I ever struggled with anything other than the house.

“Mama, Uncle Nobu’s doll looks so pretty, she must have multiple dresses! Can I make her one?” Satsuki asked, smiling and holding the doll up to me.

Like a spell, the doll coming to my face brings me a sense of childlike indulgence and I pick up the doll and swirl it around. Its glass eyes and painted face watch me as I declare to Satsuki we must make a dress immediately.

“I’ll call Daddy to help with it!” Satsuki cries out, scrambling for the phone.

I can barely keep up but once I do, I pick her up and say;

“Not yet, lovely; you must first brush your teeth and eat the breakfast I made you! It’s rice and miso soup today; too many sweets and all your teeth will fall out!”

“But I want them to! Ren says the tooth fairy-“

“The tooth fairy gets annoyed when children only eat sugary things and don’t brush their teeth when they’re told!”

“...fine.” Satsuki groaned, slumping to the bathroom.

She inherited my habit of pouting. Very effective when you want something done for you, but it’s a shame my own DNA has come back to bite me.

I look at the calendar. April 17th 2008. I remember this day clearer than I can remember the day before this one. Takumi had come to collect me weeks before I went into labour and I had broken yet another promise to Nana. I know it’s wrong, but sometimes I imagine the ring on my finger isn’t of the union of Takumi and I, but with dearest Nana Osaki. If she had been a man, I would’ve married him in 2002. If I was strong enough, I would’ve gone with her and started a life.

I tell Satsuki to get dressed to go out and shop to distract myself for a moment. I am in the life I have always dreamed of and have a glimmering gold card to shop to my hearts content and the chance to play house and love my daughter. But I have lost the full comfort of a husband with it. Sometimes, I find myself lying awake ready to start dialling his number and crying that I want him and Ren here with me, for London has taken too many of who I love, but I remember what pain shall come with it and I wish I had never thought such a stupid dream. Why? Why did I become non compliant the second he became worthy? Nana, please...can you hear the perspective of April 17th from me just this once? Please let me tell you how I had to greet you with goodbye.

APRIL 17 2002

“I’m sorry.” Takumi whispers, taking me aback.

I look at him for one moment to see whether he is about to start playing around with me again but his hair is hanging limp and his eyes are lowered. I believe this is one of the few times I have truly seen him sad.

“What do you have to be sorry for?” I say, as I put my hand on his cheek.

He gives a small smile, holds my hand and says it’s nothing. I know it isn’t, but I find that the less I know the better.

“Please start packing; I’m taking you back home to get ready for birth.”

“It’s still a month away, Takumi! I can stay for longer!”

“They shouldn’t be looking after you when it’s my responsibility; Although Nana is still grieving over Ren, she also has her career ahead of her. If you continue to stay, she won’t stay focused and due to your history, she will only feel worse with you around. It is better for you to leave early than hurt who you love later by dragging your stay period.” 

I hate what he’s saying but...he’s right. Nana cannot work as well when I’m still hanging around. I’m a distraction to her. And if I suddenly leave later, I’ll just hurt her even more. There really is no other way to deal with this.

“...okay.”

I go to Shin and ask him to help me pack my bags. I’m not ready to leave but I know if I wait for when I’m ready to leave Nana’s side, I’ll only cut a deeper wound than I did with room 707 empty.

I try to tiptoe away from everyone and pack quietly, as I was ashamed of leaving so quickly. But just before I could finish, I heard a voice;

“Hachi?”


	5. Chapter 88

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nana and Hachi’s perspective on April 17th events.

NANA:

The rehearsal days only seemed to get better and better with Hachi around. I was slowly able to go into the room with Ren’s face in it and I find myself slowly getting into the routine of telling him silently (even though he isn’t here, I know he’s probably lurking as a ghost waiting for me to join him) about my day. Lyrics are slowly getting easier to write and the small melody I made for the first time in months of near radio silence is starting to become a real symphony. Hachi is like fresh air; she helps me to breathe and with each breath I have, I use it to live by music. She is the reason the hole inside me is being filled just by existing. If I were a man, I would be the father of her baby and the wedding rings on our finger would not be to separate entities by law, but to each other. But if I’m being honest, every little thing we share with each other seems to be renewal of our vows. It’s a shame she’s another woman.

Nonetheless, she is my biggest supporter and I thought it would be best to dedicate my first debut song to her. That makes sense, doesn’t it Ren? You help with inspiration too, of course, but I don’t want to join you just yet. I’m too prideful to allow myself to die before exceeding you.

“Nana?” The fox looking manager calls out 

“Yes?” I reply, whilst in the booth.

“We need you to run through the second verse again; you’re getting pitchy.”

‘Why don’t they try fucking singing with no water around for a few hours straight?’ I thought to myself, before singing once again;

You are like air to me  
(Help me stop drowning from love)  
You are like air to me  
(Giving me a life to pursue)

They say it’s a good enough take and I finally end for the day. The lyrics sometimes sound a little stupid to me and I wonder if Hachi, due to motherly maturity or whatever, is getting tired of my songs. They must sound so angsty and childish to a woman with her whole life set for her. I try to brush that thought off though. 

“Nana, well done today!” Nobu tells me, with his girlfriend at his shoulders.

I simply smile. That girl gets on my nerves a lot.

“Good job today, Nana!” Yasu and Miu also tell me, smiling.

I smile once again. I’m surrounded by couples, Ren. It would be nice if you were here too.

“I’m going to go get my song book; I’ll see if Hachi is still in the room!” I say, as I leave.

I come in and who do I see packing?

“Hachi?”

HACHI:

Nana’s whole face drops when she sees me packing and the kicks of tiny Satsuki feel like nothing compared to the pang in my heart at this moment.

“Hachi, why are you packing? We aren’t going to the beach until next week!” Nana tells me, still feigning a smile.

I just look at her.

“Hachi, why are you looking at me like that? You can unpack now!” Nana says, smiling again.

“I need to go, Nana.” I say, shaking like a leaf.

“Where do you need to go?” Nana asks, now sitting at the side of the bed none of my clothes are out.

“With Takumi.” 

NANA:

The second I hear his name, my whole body freezes up and I’m filled with a rage that can only be fixed by fighting until your knuckles are grazed and the silver rings on my fingers have made imprints on both me and my opponent. 

“But Nana, you still have a month until you’re due!” I reply, desperately trying to make her stay.

“I know, but he insisted.”

“I just need you here a bit longer, Hachi. I’m sure Ren must’ve left something to help us!” I blurt out.

What the fuck am I doing? Where is my pride? Why am I talking about Ren? I haven’t even opened his letter yet.

“What do you mean, Nana?” Hachi asks, perplexed.

“The birthday present! Ren was a big fan of London; why don’t we go there? Of course, after the baby is born or whenever you want!”

Why won’t I shut the fuck up? Why won’t I just let her leave?

“Nana, I’m sorry, but I have to leave. Takumi is just getting ready to properly look after me and the child. I’ll be back here as soon as I’m well enough, I promise!” Hachi tells me, hugging me and getting the final stuff into her bag.

No, she’s getting away. This isn’t how it was meant to go. She promised she’d be here for longer.

HACHI:

I feel if I stay here any longer, I’ll hurt her even more. I need to be strong and let Nana down now so we can have more time later. I haven’t broken my promise to you, Nana.

NANA:

She lied. It’s all a lie. Everyone leaves. Why is she leaving? I don’t get it; I was good. I sang. I talked to Ren. I helped all I knew how with pregnancy and the training and...why isn’t she staying? Why am I not saying anything?

HACHI:

Nana, you’re being so quiet right now. Please just tell me to stay and I’ll stay. I’m okay with being selfish for just this moment. Just ask and I will find a way to put off Takumi for a little longer. I’m trying to be strong, but if you ask me, I’ll lose it. Maybe it’s best you stay quiet.

NANA:

Why do you like lying to me so much? What do I have to do for you to stay? Nana...I’ve called you Hachi for so long I almost forgot we shared the same name. Please...let us be the two Nana’s against the world again.

HACHI: 

I zip up the suitcases as Shin enters the room and is ready to carry them for me. He doesn’t look happy about me leaving so soon but he’s putting a happy face. My Shin is so brave. If I look at Nana’s face, I won’t be. I need to leave quickly before I do something I’ll regret.

“Goodbye Nana; I’ll text you once I get in the car!” I tell her, with a small smile.

What happens now? Demon king, is my karma not yet over? Will you let me have a happy ending?

NANA:

I don’t want her to leave. I can’t allow her to leave. Why am I holding her hand? This is selfish. What do I say now?

“Stay.” 

My eyes widen for a few seconds and I wish I had shut the fuck up. I scolded Nobu for selfish acts like this that make Nana confused on whether to do things for her own happiness or for her child and now I’m doing the same.

HACHI:

One look in her eyes and I know this is a cry for help. This moment. She needs me this moment. But I know I can’t live the dream of just being a Blast fan forever. I’ll be a mother soon. I’m sorry, Nana. I have to choose realistically or else I’ll hurt you more than anything before.

“I can’t.”

When I say it, I don’t look at her. If I do, I’d start sobbing immediately.

NANA:

What did I expect? I knew she would be the brave mother but it still hurts. Why didn’t this motherly love take place for me, I wonder. But I can’t let her feel bad, so I pull her chin up so she can look into my eyes as I say;

“I was just kidding, Hachiko!”

I then kiss her on the cheek to make her blush a little.

“You’re too precious to spend time wasting here. Go to that annoying rich man and come back with a healthy baby as quickly as you can!” I say, triumphantly.

She smiles, says okay and leaves. I close the door and find myself sobbing. Why do I have to be such a good fucking liar?

HACHI:

Nana, I won’t tell you but I know you weren’t joking. You’re a terrible liar...and so am I.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg it seems like people are acc reading this and it just makes me so happy so when I have time, I’ll acc try to make specific updating days <3
> 
> Whoever is reading this I acc love you so much :)


	6. Chapter 89

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hachi’s perspective (timeskip) and Nana’s perspective (2002)

HACHI:

I keep remembering that day and I ask myself; why didn’t I stay? I wanted to so much, Nana. I would’ve done anything to stay with you at that moment. But I knew, deep down, my love for you wouldn’t be enough. What would’ve happened after? We live off of your salary and you stay looking after me and a child while the world watches you? Would you be able to focus with screeching in the other room and my poor attempt at singing to help calm the child? That isn’t a future you would’ve wanted, Nana. You already seemed so sad about your mother, even though you wouldn’t admit it. That maternal instinct I talked about when I fell pregnant...would you really have liked it to be activated so young? No. You are a bird meant to fly away and live a profound life travelling and singing your song to the world. But I’m a dog. I’m meant to belong to someone and live my years comfortably on the sidelines until I die of old age and contentment. But I would always be faithful to you.

“Mama?” Satsuki cried out, tapping me.

I woke from my short trance and looked around. I was in a shop. A smart and rich one, at that. The bags there were shiny with a diamond symbol at the front and the children’s clothes were on their own pedestals with flowers all around them like out of a fairytale. I look at my purse and I realise it’s filled to the brim with either cards, notes or coins. Before, I would’ve marvelled at the idea of having this much riches. I wonder what was the exact moment I looked at rich surroundings and wished I was broke.

“Yes, Satsuki?”

“Can I have the clothes over there?” Satsuki asked, pointing at an aisle of black and red.

“That’s the women’s aisle, Satsuki.”

“I’m a grown woman now though, mama! I’m almost seven!”

“Not really, dear.”

“But then I’ll look just like the girl in your dresser!”

I paused for a moment. 

“Who are you talking about?” 

“The woman with the big forehead in your drawer” 

Nana! I thought to myself. 

Now that I looked at Satsuki, there could be some resemblance. Takumi and Nana always did seem eerily similar. But not similar enough to the point you could really point it out to others and it would make sense. Maybe it’s just me. 

However, Satsuki’s request melted my heart and without me realising, I was touching the heavy fabric of the red dress. 

“I’ll ask Daddy if you can get it custom made, Satsuki.”

Satsuki cheered and quickly left the women’s section. I wasn’t as quick.

“Mummy? Are you coming?”

I smiled faintly. “Sure.”

NANA:

I ask myself; why did I act like that? I’ve never been interested in women and I don’t think I am now yet I was begging for Hachi to stay at that moment. I seem to keep forcing her to stay with me a lot and now I don’t have the excuse of Nobu. How did he get over her so quickly? Asami is pretty, but she doesn’t compare to the bright star that was Hachiko. Then again, nobody can really compare to her except for you, huh, Ren? Even when you’re dead, you seem to stay with me. All I have of you is memories and unscathed hands. Tell me; can you still play the guitar as beautifully as you did in life wherever you are? If you’re in Heaven, they’re probably annoyed at you coming to visit me all the time. You should go quickly; I love you too much to keep forcing you to stay in a land your body no longer resides in.

“I could never leave you, Nana.”

...Ren?

“No, Nana, it’s me; Yasu. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Yasu.” I say, smiling.

He only looks at me and smiles, then walks peacefully away. 

I look back at where the voice was coming from and I see that all there is to look at is a cocky man with a lock necklace in a black leather jacket in a sea of flowers. I had never been more pissed that I wasn’t a picture for a good few seconds.

I walk to the side and I hear muttering from Shin, Yasu and Nobu;

“What do we do now?”  
“Nana is on her solo debut; where does that leave us?”  
“We’ve been given one more song.”  
“But what does one song give us?”  
“One chance.”

The less I hear, the better in this scenario. So I walk away. But it does bring up a good question; once I am gone, where does that leave everyone else?

And once I’m gone, would I have finally committed to my promise?


	7. Chapter 90

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shin’s perspective and Nana’s perspective.

SHIN:

“What do we do now?” I thought to myself, as I heard from Yasu Nana’s plans to go solo. The band had dropped many other possible jobs to be here. Yasu had the potential to become a great lawyer yet he dropped it in a heartbeat for Nana. Nobu had the chance to own a whole hotel and dropped it to pick up the drums again. I have a life outside of the band, of course, but it gets tiring.

I’ve slept with countless women and all I can say is...each woman wants the same thing, just in different ways. Each of them want some sort of comfort or a happy escape and I bring it to them for a great sum of money. I’m surprised I haven’t caught anything yet. I’ve sold my body to lonely women to earn my keep around here and now my body is free, I feel lonely without their touch. It was enjoyable sometimes, but not in the way that “matters” to them. It’s kind of sad that a 16 year old’s first time had to be with a lonely woman, in my opinion. I used to hear schoolchildren on the streets brag about how their first time they would make some sort of shitty pick up line to lure the woman into bed or put on some music but I’ve done it so much with people of so little impact in my life, the first time isn’t important. None of it is. It feels like it never happened at all. I became a slave to sex and nobody truly noticed except for a hound Hachi calls her husband. What a pathetic life to live.

When I got home, I started searching for job opportunities. Do you think I should ask Miu if one of her pornstar directors needs another actor? I don’t really care much about people recognising me. I just need good money. And in that department...my skills seem to be quite good if I’ve gotten this far. I’m not thinking of joining another band. The person I should’ve surpassed is gone. What is the point of playing to an empty seat? Would it be to hear the sound of your own playing? That, I’m not sure of. The second Ren died, I forgot the sound of my own playing. Is it because I didn’t care about it in the beginning? No, that’s not it. It just doesn’t really have a purpose anymore except for comfort. That bass and I are one in the same. We have gotten so good at blending into the wall, we can’t remove ourselves from the wall we’re put in. 

Ren...you died protecting Trapnest to the very end; what is that feeling when you have found something you just can’t let go? I haven’t found the love you had for Nana or the love you have for Trapnest. As much as I love Hachi like a mother, a baby that hasn’t even entered this world properly yet is quickly taking my place to get motherly attention. And a band that changed me to the legendary Shin is disbanding because you just had to swerve and die. Why is everything I care about leaving me?

Who else is leaving? What else have I missed? Why aren’t I growing up like normal teenagers? Answer me, Ren, please...

Please...just get the fuck up from that dusty coffin and start playing again. Your hands are fine and your memory is perfect...you can play with your eyes closed...

Please...I’m scared...

NANA

“Welcome back to our weekly session, Nana Osaki! What do you need to tell me today?”

I just looked at the therapist.

“Take your time.” He said, writing into his notebook.

“Why do you keep telling me that?” I asked

“What do you need to tell me today?”

“I haven’t told you anything helpful for weeks.”

“Take your time, Nana.”

“There isn’t time for that.”

“There’s always time.”

“Can’t you just tell me to leave?”

“You don’t really have a place to go, do you, Nana?”

“...No.”

“Then let’s carry on the session. You have 30 minutes here but you have a lifetime outside.”

“I thought you said I had no place to go.”

“You don’t. You stop yourself from allowing a place to go.”

“That’s not true.”

“Then why are you here, Nana?”

“...what?”

“Time has stopped, Nana. Why are you here?”

“There’s plenty of time!”

“Time stopped weeks ago.”

“Then why am I here?”

“Time stopped. You’re here.”

“But why?”

“You are time. Time stopped. You are here.”

“...what?”

“Nana, nobody else is here but you. It’s time to start moving again. We need to see the clocks move again.”

I woke up in a sweat and I saw that my clock was fixated on the wall with a large crack that stopped the handles from moving. Time stopped. Long ago. Why didn’t I notice it?


	8. Chapter 91

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I really liked the Euphoria Special Episodes so the next two chapters will basically be that for Nana and Hachi <3 
> 
> (Also I apologise for focusing on them so much but the other character arcs will be put in more right after)

“Nana, are you okay?” Shin called out from a foggy distance to me.

I opened my eyes to see his blue hair dropping down and a slightly concerned face. I didn’t realise how much he had changed. His hair had finally calmed down to how he looked when we first met, except for the blue cotton candy hair colour.

“I’m fine, Shin. How did you get into my room?”

“You left the door open and I heard panting. Also, you’re sweating like a pig. Did you have a bad dream?”

I touched my forehead and I realised my hair was damp and sticky like warm glue. 

“You could say that. Do I have anywhere to be today?”

“No, Nana. It’s a Sunday. We’re all on break.” Shin replied, leaving the room quietly after.

Oh. I’d been so busy that I forgot we were allowed Sunday’s off now.

I got dressed and I walked to the lobby with the words of the rest of Blast still in my mind. What do they do now that I’ve taken off? I’ve always been so selfish that I didn’t even think of them. Yasu has given up so much for me to pursue a dream that I’m not even sure he’s that invested in and I’ve cut myself off at the smallest inconvenience. Just like at the train.

You know, Ren; When I first asked Yasu to go to Tokyo with me, I said that there are law firms in Tokyo and he said there’s a chance for me to make it here. If I hadn’t gone, would things have turned out different? Was it really a good idea for us to get back together? Ever since you left me, I ask myself that. Who else have I been selfish with that I don’t realise? 

Hachi. No, I haven’t been...have I? I didn’t forget what Yuri, Asami or whatever the fuck her name is said. I‘m only allowing myself to be a bitch now because nobody can hear it but I just don’t get it. Why would Nobu give up Hachi for her? Why would Nobu give up Nana Komatsu? She’s more than just a friendly dog; she’s someone to depend on. She’ll be a great mother. I should have the pleasure of looking after her child.

Do you think I’d be a good mother, Ren? I know you must be a bit pissed I’m talking about motherhood when I was so persistent to not have a baby with you but do you think I’d be? Tell me I would and come back. Or don’t. I don’t know why I keep talking to you. You never fucking answer back.

Maybe it’s time I take some time for myself. Figure out what the fuck is wrong with me. I can’t keep relying on Yasu. He has Miu now. And I can’t even hate them for it. Yasu gave me up for you, Ren, yet you couldn’t even keep me and Miu is one of the kindest souls I know. She isn’t bitter to people and she knows what to do when things go wrong. But I’m nothing like calm Miu. I’m explosive like the fireworks of Room 707 and I’m as unpredictable as the waves of the sea you loved so much. I can’t be perfect Miu and I can’t rely on Yasu. For someone who claims to be independent, it seems everyone is taking care of me. Even Hachi when she needs to be saved. Shin was right. But there’s no way in hell I’ll admit it.

“Nana, is something wrong?” Miu asks, with a hot chocolate in hand.

“Nothing, Miu, just bored.” I reply, giving a small smile.

“Do you have anywhere to be today?” she asks me

“No, not really. Why?”

“Well, when me and Hachi were buying baby clothes we saw a nice restaurant and I was thinking of going to see it. Would you be interested?”

“What about Yasu?”

“Yasu said he’d prefer to stay in today.”

“Is he okay?”

“He’s in Ren’s room.”

“...oh”

“I’m sorry for mentioning him and upsetting you, Nana.”

“It’s fine; you haven’t upset me. You know what, I’ll come.”

“That’ll be great! I have disguises in my room! Can’t have you being recognised by paparazzi.”

“Oh...right.”

Sometimes I forget the notoriety of the name Nana Osaki in Japan now. I really have come quite a long way. 

Miu gave me a light blue dress and black coat to wear with a blonde wig as a disguise. The wig had a slightly silvery shade of blonde that I looked at and thought looked mesmerising. If I didn’t like my dark hair so much, I would’ve loved to be blessed with such an intoxicating hair colour. It was almost like the hair was calling to me, in a way. Miu drove us away to the restaurant and I looked into my purse. Even with all of the fame I had, somehow I was still broke. Miu saw me and simply said nothing. I’m not really sure how I was meant to feel about that but I felt somewhat relieved.

We went inside the restaurant and ordered the sweetest and meatiest foods we could. I realised that Miu was actually quite funny and nice and that we actually had quite a few things in common. She was also fond of red and sweets. She also had the flare I admired. Miu really was a model woman. She’s everything I think everyone envisions me to be. After a while, it came time to buy drinks. Miu decided to order a peach tea as she wanted to stay sober and I decided to take a few shots. Around 4 or 5 and I was already starting to blabber. I said something along the lines of;

“I am Nana Osaki and I am the greatest woman in the world!” 

Miu simply laughed and watched me. But then as I got drunker, I slowly forgot what I was saying. I don’t remember what I told Miu in those moments but I know it’s buried deep inside my head. Maybe I don’t want to know what I said.

“Miu, I’m sorry. For a long time, I tried to feign a dislike for you. But I don’t. You’re a great woman and I’m happy you’re happy. But I liked the idea of being cared for forever. I don’t need Yasu but I like the idea of staying secure for a long time.”

“Music is all I haf. Iv I looz music, I looz my soul. I don’t know what I warnt in live now Ren is gone and Yasu is gone and Hachi is gone. Evryone gone. Nobody levt. Nobody stays. Not even mama. Why can’t I keep anyone?”

“I don’t know who I’m in luv with. I can’t tell if I luv Yasu or just the vact he luvd me in a vay and helpd me cause I was Ren’s gurl. But Im not Ren gurl. Immmmm Nanaaaa. Mrssss Honjooo. Noooo not Honjoo. Ooosakiiii. Being Ren’s gurl means bollowing him. I’m gotta stop doing that.”

“I hav my own hurps and dreems. I’m no dogggg. Hachiii. Nooo Hachi not a dog. She’z my dogggg. I warnt her on a leashhhh so she can stay wiv me vorever. It’s meen but I doooo. Hachi is my loveeeee. I love Hachiiii. I’ll do anyving cor her. Nana Komatsuuuuu. I’ll raise your babyyyyy. I can be a great fat- (hic) mover. Muva. Mother. My singing will povide for all. I’m imporant!!! I’m ireplasavle!! Why won’t everyone lizzen to me and stayyyyy.”

“Miuuuu pleazzzzzzz anzwerrrrrr. Evryone quiet. Ren yu kan anzwerrrrr toooo!! Giv me a sign I’m good enough for someone to stay?!! Pleazeeeee!!”

Miu stayed quiet the whole time. At least, I think she did. At the last moment, as I began to drift to sleep, I heard;

“Nana...forgive...”

What did Miu say? I need to know. If I knew, would I be where I am now? Would I be in London?


End file.
